Isabella Rose Gifford

I know this seems strange to write a whole narrative about someone else's baby but this isn't just any child. I remember the day Bella was born like I had given birth to her myself. I was there the whole time, I had just had my first baby 4 months before and I was so excited that my best friend was going to have a baby. I got the phone call that Leahona had gone into the hospital and I was alone at home with no car and a 4 month old. I wanted to be there so badly but had no way of getting there fast. At the time we were living in some apartments where I was really good friends with the landlord and he happened to be there and I asked him point blank if he could take me to the hospital because my best friend was having her first baby. I look back and it seems so weird and funny that I got a ride from him but he was super nice and totally got me there. 

So I was there along with Leahona's husband Jacob who was super nervous but awesome helping his wife get through every contraction and Leahona's mom was there too. She was doing so well but was so tired from being in labor at home for a long time and then a long time at the hospital as well. Eventually she had broken down and got the epidural because she was so exhausted. Gavin who was just a baby slept in his carseat for a while beside me and was such a good boy and was really happy and quiet through the whole thing, another thing I think is kind of funny and weird is that he was there when Bella was born too. They are best buddies to this day. When the time finally came that she was ready to push arrived it seemed it wasn't meant to be. Leahona pushed for 6 hours straight and Bella wouldn't move. They tried using a vacuum and her doctor right before she tried it admitted that if it didn't work then they were going to have to do an emergency c-section because the baby wasn't moving. I know that scared me and I wasn't even the one having the baby, I can't imagine how terrified she was and how exhausted she looked, let alone felt but it was time for that baby to come out. After three attempts with the vacuum to no avail it was time to have a baby. Instantly everyone was in the room, nurses and techs unplugging things, and prepping her for surgery and then they were gone. I remember her mom and I just standing there alone in the room wondering what was going to happen and when we would hear anything? Should we leave the room? Finally a nurse came in and said we should gather up our stuff and go wait in the waiting room and someone would let us know when she got out of surgery. 

After what seemed like forever finally we were told that she was out and we could come back and see Leahona in the recovery room. She was super tired but doing really well and she had a popsicle lol. She was eating that thing like it was filet minon and I remember laughing so hard but she hadn't had anything to eat in more than 24 hours so that popsicle was the best tasting thing in the world lol. We then asked how much Isabella had weighed and it turns out she was just shy of 10 lbs! No wonder she wasn't coming out! Because of some complications Bella had to be in the NICU in an incubator which was quite a site for a baby of her size. It looked strange to see this giant baby among the teeny little ones in there but she was so beatiful! Dark skin, dark hair and so chubby and very swollen. I took a couple pictures of her to show friends and my family that knew Leahona. Today Bella turns 5 years old and I wanted to make a special tribute to this special little girl. She is firey and spunky and proved by her birth that she has to do things her way or no way which can be good and bad sometimes but always ends up making everyone laugh in the end. Happy Birthday Beautiful Bella! We love you and hope you have an awesome day! 

Love Stephanie, Spencer, Gavin, Rowan and Corinne

When it seems like life is going well, Heavenly Father throws you a curve ball . . .

I know this seems cynical but in a lot of cases it's the truth. I feel like we get going doing everything right. We have extra money, we're building a good food storage, we're paying our tithes, going to church and really feeling spiritually uplifted and out of left field something HUGE happens! In our case we had started to decide that staying in our current apartment was good idea, I was getting ready to gutt out our bedroom and get rid of some old clothes because I had too much and I had lost weight so I needed to purge my fat clothes (this in itself was a huge victory but my bedroom looked like a bomb of clothes had gone off, it always looks worse before it looks better) and life in itself though was just generally going well. We were going to stay where we were and save money so that next year we could take our savings and combine it with our tax return and possibly use it for a down payment on a house. It was a good plan, it was a safe plan. Not the ideal to have three kids in a two bedroom place but we were happy. Then a curve ball threw us way off. The fire.

Rewind to about a year and a half ago when we were meeting with our insurance agent and good friend Tony Clarkson who met with us at our place and was going over our policy to make sure we were getting the best deal and best insurance we could get. Over the years we had never thought of renter's insurance because we were generally careful people and thought "well nothing is going to happen so why bother paying for something we'll never use?" This in itself I realize was a dumb way to think. Tony looked over our policy we had just bought a new vehicle and we were saving money on our insurance and so he suggested we add it because if we did it would cost the same as what we were paying before we got our new car. We said "Sure add it on why not?" I'm so glad that we did.

Fast forward to the present. Now that I look back I feel stupid for the events that happened. Why wouldn't we think to turn off the burner? Talking to a lot of people, this is a common fire that happens. You heat up oil in a pot to fry something whether it be fish and chips like we were doing or something else. Realized we didn't have the batter for the fish that we needed. We live a few blocks from Albertsons so Spencer decided to run to the store real quick to buy some. Unbeknownst to me he left the oil on heating up and forgot to turn it off. In a matter of minutes the fire alarm was going off. This happened the night before when we were making grilled cheese sandwiches because something got on the burner, I thought that's what had happened. When I came around the corner and saw the flames I knew that was not the case. Usually I panick, ask my parents I have a trigger panick reaction it sucks! Somehow seeing the fire I knew what to do, reached for a box of baking soda and didn't have any. Looked for flour to throw on it and I had run out not that long ago. After exhausting all I could think of I knew we had to get out.

I ran around the corner and picked up the baby, grabbed Rowan by the arm and shoved him towards the door and then realized I couldn't see Gavin. He is super sensative to noise and had covered his ears and ran to hide in his room. I started shouting for him and he didn't answer. "Gavin GAVIN where are you?! Please answer Gavin! Come to mommy!" I started to cry when I saw him come out of his room shouting for me. Quickly and awekwardly I shoved the boys through the front door and started shouting as loud as I could "FIRE, PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME FIRE FIRE!!" across the parking lot at the apartments across the way two of my neighbors came running, one with a cell phone in hand calling 911. As soon as I got out on the porch my memory of where the fire extinguisher was jogged and I tried my best to get the kids down the stairs, as I hit the driveway a few of my neighbors scooped up the boys and I ran under the porch and broke the glass with my fist to get the fire extinguisher. I handed it to John (the neighbor who called 911) and he handed me his cell so I could talk to the dispatcher. I begged him to go back up and put out the fire, "my home, my things please I need you to put out the fire before it spreads! PLEASE!" He ran up and put it out really quick and shortly after he came out the fire department had shown up.

They ran up and brought industrial fans and then opened all the windows and blew all the smoke out as fast as they could and inspected the damage. All the while we were standing in the rain and various neighbors around our place came out with blankets for my kids and the baby. Rowan had no shoes on and one shoe in his hand. He had been trying to get me to put on his shoes just because he wanted them on before everything took place. Another neighbor brought Gavin a stuffed penguin, now that I look back I can't remember where these neighbors live and I wish I had a way to thank them more. It was amazing to see such a response. Another neighbor next door brought me my landlord's number so I could call him and tell him what happened. Finally everything was over and the firefighter brought us back in and oh the sight of it was aweful. I couldn't stop shaking thinking about it over and over. Scariest experience of my life but I know I was guided to know what to do the whole time and we were all spared. My poor cat was ok but covered in soot and really scared and dirty.

The next step was calling the insurance company. This was the frustrating part, we were all ok which was important but now what? We later found out that the claims department was in federal way and they weren't going to be able to make it down to look at the damage and give us an estimate right away but they were going to hire a cleaning company to come in right away and start inventorying and getting everything packed up, moved out and cleaned so that they could get it back to us. A week later was when the agent finally showed up and they could actually start packing stuff and moving it out. I was not pleased to say the least but I was just happy to start getting stuff out and moving on. We stayed with my parents for the first week. I am SO grateful for my family! They already have a full house and took us in no questions asked. The boys took the upstairs spare room and shared a double bed and Spencer, the baby and I were downstairs on the futon in the living room. Not the greatest but when you are homeless and need someplace to sleep it worked. This was the week before Easter. How sad is that that I didn't have anything for the boys for Easter now because anything I might've had got carted away or thrown out damaged because of the fire. My sister and my mom were amazing and helped me get to the store and buy a few things for the boys. The night before I helped my sister hide eggs which is part of my favorite part of being the "Easter Bunny" because you can hide things in plain sight and they will stare right at it and not see it. Easter was so much fun and we got through but come the next week the early mornings of my nephews coming down at 6:30 am and the baby not sleeping well we decided to ask my in laws if we could stay with them. They graciously allowed us to come stay with them and they have rooms for all of us so it has been super nice. They are so amazing and have adjusted to us being here and helped with their vehicle so that I can get Gavin to and from school.

After everything was moved out the next step was finding a new place to live. I searched through different ads on craigslist and found a few apartments that had 3 bedrooms but were more money then we wanted to spend but we were willing to if it meant we'd have a home. I searched and less then a week before the end of the month almost three weeks after the fire I pulled up craigslist and there was an ad for an apartment for $730 a month to rent and move in ready. I pulled it up and the address was one I knew. It was two doors down from our current apartment and on the ground floor. I was in shock! Could it really be this easy to move? I told Spencer about it and he told me to call and see if I could set up an appointment to check it out. I went and looked at it and it was perfect! We filled out the application for it and the next day signed the lease to move in before the beginning of the next month! I am still amazed we found a place before the end of the month but this too I feel like I was guided. Through this whole process even though I was in shock half the time the Lord has blessed us and we've been taken care of. Today we move somewhat into our new place. They are bringing us our big furniture so we can have a place to sleep and dressers and couches so we can stay at our new place. The rest of our things will be delivered in a few weeks and it'll all be over hopefully. Until then I continue to pray and thank the Lord everyday for his protection. Our things are nice but they can be replaced. My family is what's most important and they were all spared in this whole process. I am so happy to know that he watches over us in our lowest points and craziest hours. I never once thought that I'd ever be in a fire and now that I have my experience has helped others. My good friends have all gotten renter's insurance when they didn't have it. My mom bought a deep fryer and stopped frying with oil in a pan on the top of the stove because there is no temperature control on the stove. I feel dumb for the mistake that we made but I feel so happy that it's helped someone else and we were taken care of by our insurance. For those going through struggles right now a friend of mine posted a quote on her facebook this morning and it was so true: "Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself."- C.S. Lewis

It's been a looooong time. . . .

It's been a while how you been? My main reason for blogging today is because I really want to win this. It's http://www.facebook.com/MotherOfASale they are having a $250 cloth diaper giveaway and I am wanting to start cloth diapering badly so I am letting everyone know about it and hope that I win. :) I have two diapers so far and was considering buying more but if I could win this I would be so happy! So here's hoping I do. And here's a pic of my baby and her fluffy butt. Hopefully I can get more and full time cloth diaper at home.

You don't know what you've got til' it's gone. . .

No nothing has happened with the pregnancy. Everything is going well but I felt inspired to write about this subject because it seems like I have a group of close friends and one family member who are struggling with it and I wish I could take it away. Not that these people are infertile but they are going through what I've gone through so far in my reproductive life and it seems like some bizarro life switch has happened and now I am the one with no problems getting pregnant this time and they are trying so hard without success. I was talking to my sister (I hope she doesn't mind me writing this but I just feel like I needed to get it out). She lost a baby back in December at 23 weeks pregnant and I know she is struggling the most right now because she needs to get pregnant again and so far hasn't been able to get pregnant.

The reason for my title: It's almost a cruel joke that when you really aren't struggling to get pregnant or having struggles with something this hard you have no problems with it but when it's most important and you want to and NEED to like she does, she can't. I feel like the best thing I can do for her right now is listen and tell her I know what she's feeling and going through because heck that's my life when trying to have kids. I've had to accept the fact that I have a special doctor and medications and injections to get pregnant and stay pregnant but I've never wished that my worst enemy would go through what I have had to, to get to that point of acceptance, let alone someone this close to me who I love so much.

I wish I could go back and never have to go through the miscarriages I had because I feel like I have post traumatic stress disorder. I will never know what it's like not to worry about losing a pregnancy. I will never know the excitement without the fear when in my first trimester. As she's told me, she will never even feel like she's at a safe point in her pregnancy because she was 23 weeks and there was no indicator that anything was wrong and that would terrify me too.

You don't know what you've got til' it's gone. That security knowing that you are going to have a problem free pregnancy and a healthy baby at the end. For those of you who have never had a miscarriage and healthy, problem free pregnancies I can give you a glimpse into what we go through. I am almost 10 weeks pregnant. Every time I feel a pain, or wake up feeling "good" I am terrified that I am miscarrying and check for blood. Every time I go to the bathroom, I wipe 3 or 4 times making sure there isn't any blood. I am terrified in between appointments that something will happen so I bought a doppler to listen to the heartbeat. The list goes on and I will stop at that.

Despite all of it I thank the Lord every day that he blessed me with my doctor and his insight as to how to help me become pregnant with my miracle boys. For those of you who know the struggles I speak of I wish I could take it all away and you would never have to experience it. I have gone through it long enough and dealt with it that I would do it all again just to spare those I love from that heartache. At the same time I feel like there is a reason for it happening, not that the Lord decided to teach you a lesson by taking your child but out of it happening he is trying to teach you something, whether it is turning to him more and asking for help, trusting in him. I hope you know that all of you who are dealing with this, I am here to listen and love you and know what you are going through. I just wish I could do more. Lots of prayers to all of you!

The Sweetest Sound

Most of you know that I am expecting my 3rd baby, and in turn have had to go through the progesterone injections and will get my second ultrasound soon. Baby Beard is doing good so far but for peace of mind between appointments I bought a doppler to be able to check out baby's heartbeat every once in a while. Because it's so small I am not feeling the baby yet but being able to check out that bean is doing good brings me lots of peace of mind. I got my doppler in the mail yesterday and tried it out as soon as I got it and voila! Found it within minutes! The sweetest sound that my ears have ever heard. Here's the baby's first ultrasound when it was a peice of rice, in 5 days I will be having my second ultrasound and hopefully it'll be a peanut by then. Enjoy!

Christmas: Beard Style

For Christmas this year we actually worked really hard at not being grinches. I'm not really a Grinch persay but it's hard to put up a christmas tree when both your kids are born in the winter and right before and after Christmas. In turn 2006 we had no tree because I was due after and didn't want to have to take it down, 2008 we had the charlie brown christmas tree pictured here because Rowan was just born and I was still healing and well we were too lazy to put one up and have to take it down after Christmas so call me Grinch.

This year though we had a change of heart, I feel like Gavin is old enough to remember these fun memories so I went all out and decorated this year. It was so much fun and he was so cute about wanting to put the decorations on himself on the tree.

Placing his first christmas ornament on the tree. It's a little baby puppy in a jolly jumper and says "My first Christmas 2006"

Rowan even got in on the decorating action, he was so cute. This year he learned to say "Santa" and he points him out whenever he sees anything remotely that looks like Santa. He was surprisingly not too bad with the tree, I had it put up on the coffee table so that it was high enough to not be a temptation. Our tree has become traditionally a cartoon kid tree. One year we even put a stuffed Spongebob on the top for an "Angel" to complete the ensemble. If you look closely at the end result you'll see: The Incredible Hulk, Wolverine, Spiderman, Fairly Oddparents, Spongebob, Princess Leia and Quaigon Jin, and various other cartoon and comic characters. Having boys so far we have kind of kept it kiddie and I really love it.

We had a very full Christmas this year and were blessed to have a lot of family here. Gavin and Rowan's Auntie Amanda and now Uncle Donovan got sealed on December 22nd 3 days before Christmas. It had been a long dating but it was worth it and they had a beautiful sealing and reception afterwards that evening. In turn everyone in the Beard family was here this year for Christmas which made for a very full but happy house. We had so much fun playing with cousins and Aunts and Uncles. Here is a picture of them outside the temple after they were sealed.

This is becoming a very long post so I am going to end it for the moment and I'll do part two when I have the time in a bit. I have to get the boys going and ready for Gavin to get on the bus. Look forward to the rest, To Be Continued . . . .

It's been a while

I need to get back into blogging but it's been so busy that I don't know where to start. Has it really been that long since I blogged?! Jeez well here goes. Lets see, last time I check I still don't have my license but I'm really REALLY close so don't say I'm slacking because I really am trying. I just have to get my parking and small maneuvering down and I'm good to go. I am thinking I might make the appointment and just do it so that I have a goal day to be done with it. Spencer had originally planned to do an internship with Big Brothers/Big Sisters of Western Washington to finish his degree but they were wishy washy and it fell through BUT we were blessed and shortly after it fell through his school advisor sent us a new one and he is currently working at that Wednesday through Friday and really enjoying it. It is with the Center for World Indigenous Studies and he is helping the IT guy there revamp and update 6 or more websites. He uses a Macintosh which is really different for him, but he said if he could afford one he would totally get a Mac because they are really user friendly and super nice. The last step to getting this degree done and hopefully a career in the future when he is done. That prospect has definately been a huge motivater for him to get this done.

Rowan and Gavin had their birthdays these past few months. Rowan turned one and we had a blast with family. I made him a Super Rowan cake. I don't know why but it seems to have become a tradition to make a small cake for their first birthdays with tons of bright colored frosting and let them go to town but by the end of it the colors muddle together and end up red or brown and my one year old sweet baby looks like a mini cannibal just finished his human meal! Yipes! I love the blackmail pics though so it works. They will come in handy when they have their first girlfriends along with all the other cute blackmail pics I have. I feel evil doing this but I can just see the fun potential for me and Spencer when our boys are teenagers.

I will catch you up on the events that have happened since Rowan's birthday in seperate posts just so that it isn't a ginormous post. I want to act like I actually thought to blog at these events lol even though I'm a slacker!

Here's a few pics of the birthday boy and all the events, hope you love them as much as I do!