Fireproof "that one little part"

We have been waiting to hear about a job for Spencer. He is even out right now pounding the pavement and we have been praying and I get the comfort I need when I feel so tired and alone in this. Heavenly Father puts people in our lives for a reason I know this. We have a couple that lives two doors down from us that are not of our faith but have similar beliefs and they are dear friends to us and have made us dinner on many occasions even though they are not well off themselves but they have food and share of their abundance to add our company to those in their house.

The other night they wanted to see this new movie that came out called Fireproof. Lets just say the title is very apropriate for a lot of things right now for me. We didn't have the money to pay for the movie and didn't have childcare for our son while we went to the movie if we did have the money. They offered to pay for our admission and we asked my mom and dad to watch Gavin while we went and I am so glad we did. I didn't realize when we went to it that it was a christian movie that they were showing in a regular theater and both showings at our time slot were full to the brim. Now how's that for showing the christian support? My thought on that is wow how amazing that a movie with a good message and no swearing, crude humor, fornication, sex, drugs, violence would sell out on the first night it was showing.

In these the last days that's all there is. Its a reminder to me of a talk someone gave when I was back in young women's and I was at Youth Conference. I believe it was titled "That one little part" I can't remember who spoke but they talked about how movies nowadays are good except for that one little part that is slipped in and how it was equated to Satan, he doesn't come out and blatantly say do this horrible bad thing all at once, he slips it into our every day things until we justify "Oh its just that one little part the rest was good" when in reality its like taking salt and pepper and dumping salt into a bowl and then mixing the tiniest bit of pepper in, how many of us can get the pepper totally out of the salt? Without great processing and long hours of sitting picking every bit out its nearly impossible! Its the same way with that "one little part" it enters our thoughts and can not be taken out until we work so hard and repent and try to replace it with something else until finally we are clean again. I know with me I've even had this thought and told people "wow that was a great movie but they could've left out that one little part" I think I even said it the other day when I was watching the movie Speed Racer when we rented it. It was such a good movie for kids and funny and amazing special effects but that one little part they added that could've been left out and it wouldn't have to PG was the language. They added words that could've just been left out and the movie would've been just as good but someone felt the need to make it rated PG and added that in.

Anywho back to the movie, it was a movie about a fire fighter that was so consumed with work and how he got respect from that and not from his wife and it was going to cost him his marriage because he wasn't putting his whole heart into it and caring about what she needed. His dad gives him what he calls the "Love Dare" where he sends him this book that has him do things for his wife and himself for 40 days and take one at a time until hopefully by the end it will help him keep his marriage. Only problem was that the man didn't include the Lord in the process at first and about halfway his wife has asked him for a divorce and he finally realizes that he can't do it alone. He is talking to his dad on one of their many meetings and walks and they come across this cross in the woods that they use for a bible camp. This part of the movie really hit me hard because I had never thought of anything this way til now. He says to his dad, "Dad I've tried all that the book says, I bought her flowers, said kind words or nothing at all, made her dinner, cleaned the house, tried to show her how much I love her and want this to work and she all but spits in my face with her words and her actions how can I love someone who spits in my face? How am I supposed to keep trying and do this when she says she doesn't love me and treats me like this? And the father is standing right next to the cross and says "Well there is someone else that loves us that was willing to be spit on, insulted, tortured and die for our sins and no matter what anyone did to him he continued to love us, you need to follow in his example and ask for forgiveness from the Lord before any of this is going to work. How are you expecting her to forgive you when you haven't asked him to forgive you?" It was such a strong message to me. I felt the spirit so strong at that moment and of course the man started to include the Lord in his process, no longer did it matter whether she responded physically but that he felt what he was doing was pleasing to the Lord. He was talking with a friend at one point about religion and how he was this great firefighter and felt fireproof but when it came to this relationship he didn't know how to fix it totally and his friend said "being fireproof doesn't mean that you're immune to fire and don't get burned it just means that when the fire comes you will be strong enough to withstand it." So many good messages in the movie, kind of a chick flick but still good nonetheless. I wish there was more people willing to make a movie with such good messages and no "little part" in it that makes it not worth going to. I enjoyed this so much and the opportunity to spend time with good friends and share in the spirit of the Lord while still being entertained on a Friday night.

We have been so blessed!

Monday Spencer got the final word that he was fired from his job at Safeway and he already has an interview and most likely the job working for a company called Life Force which helps care for Developmentally Disabled Adults in their homes. This wouldn't have been possible without the help of so many friends of ours and prayers of family. Our dear friends Jon and AC who live two doors down have been so helpful with getting Spencer this job (Jon works for the same company) in the mean time he'll work for them and AC works for the state and is keeping her eye out for jobs for Spencer there. We also have had friends Chris and Stephanie Vella who have been helping us with a job interview at Top Foods and they opened their home to us for dinner a couple nights and keeping us distracted during Spencer's waiting period when he was suspended. Brad and Teona Bates have also opened their home to us for dinner so it has made me feel very happy we have the friends we do. I was so afraid being 7 months pregnant and losing our income. It just reaffirms that when you follow what you are supposed to do and pray and fast for help you will recieve the blessings you need at the time. I felt scared and in turn somewhat angry but my husband reminded me that we have to put our will in line with what the Lord's will for us is and when we both did this, prayed and fasted we recieved these blessings and I am so greatful I know what I do. With all my thanks I need to thank the Lord for helping us through this trying time, without his help none of this would be possible.

Nothing like a sick kid....

To take your mind off your problems. Yesterday was a hard Sunday but good just the same. It was one of those Sundays where we didn't know what was going to happen with our job situation and I was having a really hard time praying for comfort for the hormones had taken over and I didn't know what to do. We were sitting there in Sacrament and it was like every talk was specifically for me. First talk was about prayer and how we need to put our will in line with the Lord's . . . I've been trying to do this for the past 10 days Spencer was suspended but then Saturday for some reason I couldn't hold it together anymore. Staying distracted in these situations helps a lot and we've had a lot of friends to help us (thanks guys we love you for this). I sat and cried a lot while the talk went on and Gavin was standing cradling his head in my lap. I just thought he was kind of sleepy and he's snuggly a lot so I didn't think anything of it. After the first talk I needed to go continue to cry and pray so the only place I could think of to go was to the mother's lounge where nobody would see me and I could still listen to the talks. As I left sacrament I passed Gavin along to my husband and I went. I blew my nose and the second talk started, the topic: The straight and narrow path and how our Heavenly Father is there for us to help us stay on it no matter what the situation. It was so hard to keep it together so I sat and cried some more. As I sat there my best friend Leahona who just had a baby 2 1/2 weeks ago came in to feed her daughter and we sat and talked. She mentioned that Gavin had fallen asleep on the bench in church which is really unlike him. I sat while she fed her daughter Iyla and they had the choir sing a song (don't remember what it was) but it was another thing specifically for me. Once sacrament was over I went and taught my class of 11/12 year olds and went to primary with our only 11 year old left. When we went to pick Gavin up he was still lethargic and laying on the nursery leader's shoulder. She said he's been really tired and even when we do singing time which he usually loves and talks all the way through he was quiet and almost falling asleep. I said to her that maybe he's going to grow and was having a sleepy day. When we got home Gavin had fallen asleep again and I checked his temperature and he was burning up. Can't believe I missed it til now! I checked his temp and it was 100.2 F so we gave him some tylenol and put him down for a nap seeing as he wasn't hungry and was already asleep. When he woke up he was all sweaty and Spencer thought maybe he had broken his fever. A couple hours later it was still up and so we kept him comfy and cared for him on the couch. Its really rare for Gavin to get sick so we were kind of stumped. He didn't want to eat anything but bread and water and sleep but only had the symptom of the fever. Before bed I gave him Tylenol and a luke warm bath to cool him and he seemed to be his old self in fact he didn't want to go to bed.

This morning on the flip side I woke up at 7am to go to the bathroom and I could hear him awake and making noises like he was really uncomfortable. I went in and he was up and checked his temp again and he was at 100.9 F. I preceded to take him downstairs and he drank a ton of water and threw a bit of it up. He was so hot! Poor guy. He lay on the couch wining and uncomfortable. He just rested, funny thing about him is his favorite toy is still to this day a spiderman teether stuffy I bought for him before he was born so he was snuggled up with his blanket and Spiderman watching Cars. I gave him another dose of medicine when he started to act really uncomfortable and he was a new man again except for when it wore off the fever was gone. Its a mystery what it was but I am hoping it was a 24 hour bug that he caught and nothing more. It was a good distraction from feeling sorry for myself and our situation just sad that he had to be sick and miserable to smarten me up and go into Mom mode to take care of him. Sometimes I feel like I need these reminders to say "Stephanie stop thinking about how bad your situation is and look for ways to help others." I'm glad you're feeling better buddy!

We Need Some Prayers Please!

Ok so some of you may know that Spencer has been on suspension from his job for about 10 days for a stupid mistake he made at work pending whether they were going to fire him or not. We hadn't heard anything because of a different more serious incident at work (involving an employee going into his work with a gun and threatening people). Anyway we found out today that he's been terminated for this mistake. He feels relieved to finally know but pretty sad and depressed that it happened because of something he did. We are working with a few different friends and contacts on finding him another job. Luckily it couldn't have come at a better time with the holidays coming up and at least he'll be able to find something with how hard its been over the summer to find anything. He will be receiving 4 to 5 weeks of vacation pay in a lump sum check either this friday or next friday and so we'll be ok for that long until he can find another job and he's filed for unemployment but we were hoping that we could get your guys' help with prayers and fasting when its feasable. He's worked for Safeway for 8 years and its kind of sad that his loyalty didn't matter in this case but at this point we feel like its a new start and he can focus on getting out of his comfort zone and finding a job using his degree hopefully. I made cinnabons because I needed comfort food, I already did my crying and mourning of the loss and now we're looking forward and moving on now that we finally have some news. They were really good! Thanks for all your guys' support and hopefully he'll find a new job soon.

Crazy Animals . . . . .Grrrr.

We decided to stay at my in laws house while they went to Montana which is all fine and dandy. I love staying at their house to make sure the animals are taken care of, Tres my in laws dog is actually a really good dog and most of the time when I stay here to watch him he's good as gold even though a lot of the time I think its strange that he goes into a depression when my mother in law leaves. The one animal I CANNOT Stand is Homer. Now Homer is a 15 or something year old, old fart of a cat that will just about drive you bonkers as any crotchety senior citizen who thinks he is the king of roost will. He comes and goes as he pleases inside and outside, when he enters the home he meows incessantly until you follow him to what he wants. Most of the time its "feed me" even though there's food in his dish and he KNOWS where it is he insists you follow him or he follows you until you make sure he's got food. If that isn't enough once he's done with eating he won't leave you alone. As a pregnant woman with a two year old I can't stand having to babysit this cat. I am of the mindset that animals should know there place and not rule the roost. Tres knows his place but is quite needy and follows me when Penny isn't here to follow which is fine he's not annoying. I am liking being able to watch tv and have cable while we are here and it hasn't been too bad yet but I need more food then the rice a roni and pasta roni that was left behind by my in laws. Bless their hearts I love my in laws but I can't stand eating that all the time. Oh well I will get over it.

On a lighter note my friend sent me this e'mail and it made me laugh so hard. For those of you who have been pregnant and have kids this will make you chuckle because if you didn't feel this way you are very rare. Check this out:

A letter written by a pregnant woman to all NON pregnant people:

Dear NON pregnant person:

I hope you find these guidelines helpful in your interactions with pregnant women as failing to follow them may result in serious physical harm. If you are thinking, surely she doesn't mean me- then you should probably read this twice.

1) The appropriate response to a couple telling you they are having a baby is "Congratulations!" with enthusiasm. Any other response makes you a big fat jerk!

2) Through the wonders of science, we now know that babies are made ONLY by the mother and father- not grandparents. Unless the baby is in your uterus or you are the man that helped put it there, you may not ever use the phrase "my baby".

3) On the same note, unless you made the baby as defined in 2, the pregnancy, birth and raising of the child are not about you. You do not have input. No one wants to hear your opinion unless they ask for it.

4) The body of a pregnant women should be treated the same as any other body. You would not randomly touch someone's stomach if they were not pregnant, nor would you inquire into the condition of their uterus, cervix or how they plan to use their breasts. Pregnancy does not remove all traces of privacy from a woman.

5) Likewise, no women wants to hear comments on her weight... ever. A pregnant woman does not find it flattering that you think she is about is pop, must be having twins, looks swollen or has gained weight in her face. Telling her she looks too small only makes her worry that she is somehow starving her baby. Making such comments invite her to critique your physical appearance and you may not act offended. The only acceptable comment on appearance is "You look fabulous!".

6) By the time we are 20-30 years old, most of us have picked up on the fact that the summer is hot. We are hot every summer when we are not pregnant. We don't need you to point out that we will be miserably hot before the baby comes.

7) There is a reason that tickets to Labor & Delivery are not yet sold on Ticketmaster. Childbirth is actually not a public event. It may sound crazy, but some women really do not relish the idea of their mother, Mother in law or a host of other family members seeing their bare butt and genitals. Also, some people simply feel like the birth of their child is a private and emotional moment to be shared only by the parents.

8 ) Like everything else in life, unless you receive an invitation, you are NOT invited. This includes doctor appointments, ultrasounds, labor, delivery, the hospital and the parents home. You do not decide if you will be there for the birth or if you will move in with the new parents to "help out". If your assistance is desired, rest assured that you will be asked for it.

9) If you are asked to help after the birth, this means you should clean up the house, help with cooking meals, and generally stay out of the way. Holding the baby more than the parents, interfering with breastfeeding and sleeping schedules and making a woman who is still leaking fluid from multiple locations lift a finger in housework is not helping.

10) The only people entitled to time with the baby are the parents. Whether they choose to have you at the hospital for the birth or ask for you to wait three weeks to visit, appreciate that you are are being given the privilege of seeing their child. Complaining or showing disappointment only encourages the parents to include you less.

Gift Cards!

Today Spencer and I decided to go spend my birthday gift cards. I got one from Barnes & Noble for $25 and one from Old Navy for $25 so we went to the book store first. I wandered and decided I wanted a really nice copy of The Chronicles of Narnia because I've been wanting to read it and haven't had the chance to in a while. Plus I figure it'll give me something to read for the next few months til this kid gets here.

Stop #2

Old Navy, now I know it was birthday money and I know I should've bought something for me but I have tons of maternity clothes (like more then one woman should have, I have enough for 3 pregnant women) so I didn't need anymore and I am not sure what size i'll be once I have Rowan so I don't want to buy normal size to have it not fit. AND Old Navy was having a baby sale 40% off all their baby stuff. I couldn't resist, they were calling to me! I got two outfits that I'm going to bring with me to the hospital for taking him home in, whichever fits best. They are so cute! Its making me more and more excited to have him. I am in the double digits for days left til my due date 97 days to be exact. I know I shouldn't be counting down already because it'll make it take forever but I can't help it!

We went to my mom's after shopping and getting a bite to eat and I spent the evening with them while Spencer worked a short shift. Gavin is getting over his awekwardness (sp) with everyone and his being shy and really starting to talk more. I hear him come out with new stuff all the time. The other day it was "here, take this" and he handed me something. He is an independant child and will play by himself. I wish I had my camera but I didn't. My mom and I were sitting at the table in the kitchen and we were watching him outside by himself in my sister Shannon's bounce house doing bum drops and jumping just by himself and having the time of his life. He was out there for an hour or so just playing and the only thing that got him inside was it was dark and the fact that Granddad went out and turned off the bounce house with him inside so he was done and came in. He is such a sweet boy and I call him my love bug because he's always just randomly coming up and hugging or kissing me or snuggling. I hope he stays this way. Well that was my day. Here's a couple pics of the coming home outfits for Rowan.

Outfit #1

Outfit #2

MMmmmmm Butt Bread!

My birthday was on September 3rd. My mom has had this thing with making bread our entire lives and makes her own bread because store bought bread for some reason doesn't go bad. I have been having the thought lately when I went to make toast and I looked at this partial loaf of bread and thought "hmmm how long have we had this?" I checked the date on it and it was 5 months old and it wasn't moldie or crusty or even bad smelling. What is in this stuff?

I decided enough was enough with crazy preservatives. Plus as a kid I remember coming home to the smell of fresh baked bread and I want that for my kids. I asked my parents for a bread machine for my birthday and they bought me one. It's so purdy! The day after I decided to make a loaf of bread. It turned out great and tastes wonderful, I wanted to post a picture online to show a few friends because of course I was proud, and after the pic was taken I started busting out laughing. "OMG it looks like a butt!" one of my friends messaged me after I sent her the picture. Sure enough it looked like a rear end. I just messaged her back and said "Hmmm no butt bread for you" and I went and cut a slice and ate it. Heres to butt bread, and all the other wonderful loaves careof my parents and the bread machine they bought me. Yay!

The Testosterone Levels Have Reached Max Capacity!

I am finding more and more that I am loving having little boys so far. Some days though I think the Testosterone levels are reaching their max capacity and I need some girlie time. I mean come on now, I even have testosterone in my womb, gimme a break! Yesterday our friend Jen Jakoubek was visiting from California for her step sister's wedding and she made time to come hang out in the late afternoon and (once the reception was over) late evening to visit with us. We were already having dinner with our neighbor AC and so we invited her to come back to our house and we all just sat and talked for a while comparing "girlie stories" as Spencer called it. At one point it was an all out Estrogen fest which I needed clearly with all the men in my house (our cat is the only other female and she is in love with Spencer and Gavin and could care less about me).

I looked over at Spencer and he was sitting on the couch eating ice cream with this glazed over look in his eyes. I said to him "Hey honey? Are you enjoying listening to our girlie fest?" The reaction had us busting up, the basics of it was "Well, at this point to make this whole thing more girlie we'd have to be watching Steel Magnolias and crying while painting each other's toenails. If there was any more estrogen in my house at the moment I think my "manhood" would shrink up into my body and I'd grow boobs and a vagina" He was wishing he could just be a fly on the wall instead of the only man in the room.

It was a refreshing change to what usually goes on in our house. Most of the time Gavin and Spencer are on the floor wrestling or Spencer and his two buddies are playing shoot em up games with the volume too high and I'm hiding in my bedroom watching chick flicks by myself. Thank you ladies I needed a little bit of estrogen in my house for once.

The Progress of Baby Number 2 so far

So I've been more vigilant about taking belly pics then I was with Gavin. I think I was more focused on keeping him alive then anything else. Luckily for him because he was the first child he has tons of baby pics so hopefully that'll make up for it. I marvel at how quickly I showed with this one and it drives me nuts when I get comments. For those of you who have had kids, you know what I'm talking about. "How far along are you?" "When are you due?" I tell them and the reaction thus far is enough to make someone feel like the biggest whale in the world. "Oh my goodness, are you sure there isn't two in there?" hmm yeah pretty sure that the doctor hasn't lied to me and I'm pretty sure that they can catch that as early as 8 weeks, come on people! I'm not THAT huge! Another favorite is "oh you've got to be due soon, you look like you're ready to pop." Actually nope I still have 3 1/2 months but thanks for asking you big fat meanies. lol. I know people don't mean to be mean about it but sometimes its like hey wanna watch what you say before you open your mouth? Anywho vent over, here's the pics I've taken so far so you can see my progress.

3 months

Around 3 1/2 months

4 months

5 months (halfway point)

5 1/2 months

6 months

7 months

8 months (well close to it)

9months

The First of Many Blogs

Ok so I gave in and made a blog. My sisters have been telling me its therapeutic and I could use some therapy with all the organ shoving and the 2 year old musings at the moment. Plus I'm really bad at making a journal and I think I heard something from the prophet that says to do blogging because its a form of journaling, so here goes. This one is going to be a very long post just for catching people up and get it all down so I don't forget anything. Bear with me.

Ok Quick Background

With Gavin my beautiful 2 1/2 year old son, we had troubles, BIG troubles getting pregnant and I ended up losing 3 pregnancies to miscarriage early on before finally getting a doctor who knew what was wrong with me. Dr. Moruzzi, an amazing fertility specialist as soon as he saw me knew I had a condition called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome which in a nutshell makes it absolutely impossible to get pregnant without medication and a lot of intervention from a doctor (I know what you're thinking, makes trying so much more fun right?). I don't ovulate or get a cycle on my own so yeah how to get pregnant otherwise? Medication! What I affectionately call the "Multiple Personality" Pills lets just call them. With Gavin and subsequent pregnancies they worked great. When it came time to start trying again we went back on the clomid and for some reason it didn't work. I seemed to be ovulating but it just didn't take. 4 months of clomid and I was just about ready to lose it! My doctor said the next step was doing artificial insemination in combination with the clomid, not an appealing alternative for me and especially for my husband Spencer but we were willing to try it if it meant I could get pregnant again. On Spencer 30th birthday (January 11th) well we did it (he says he made it with a cup but we won't go into that lol) Happy Birthday to you honey! Not very pleasant and I hope I never have to do that again, everything looked great and it didn't work....*sad face.* At this point I was so depressed and sick of all the intervention that we gave up on it. I stopped going to the doctor and stopped all the medication which was a good thing cuz I was really depressed and kind of lost myself. I started to feel better even though we weren't able to get pregnant but my sanity was slowly making its way back. A couple months later toward the end of March my grandmother had made a trip down to Abbotsford to visit family and I decided that Gavin and I should go up and see her because it had been a while and I missed her, so we went up with my parents because Spencer was working.

Ok so the next part deserves its own paragraph because I tend to make run on sentences and forget puncuation so I should probably not make it all one great big paragraph.
On one of the days we were up in Abbotsford everyone had decided to congregate at my Uncle Bob and Aunt Shan's house to visit with them and Grandma was there. We were eating lunch of pizza and enjoying each other's company. For those of you who know my son, he's totally a 2 year old and anything with buttons he can't leave alone. My aunt Shan has a fandangly fridge with buttons galore and unbeknownst to me he had discovered it and it was not childproof. My mom kept trying to get my attention but of course I was trying to socialize and didn't hear her the first couple times (or tuned her out sorry mom) finally she got my attention and told me that Gavin was pressing the buttons and I needed to get him away but because I had heard her the first few times and was for some reason getting mad about being bothered I for some reason just blew up. I yelled "Mom I heard you, leave it alone" at the top of my lungs and everyone went silent. My grandmother preceded to yell at me to not talk to my mother that way and that hers was dead and that she wishes she had her mother etc. etc. while the rest of the family was still in shock like "what's her problem?" I at the same time didn't realize why I had done it and just thought it was weird that I flew off like that. We enjoyed our stay in Abbotsford and a few days later went home.

Like usual every month (I should have stock in pregnancy tests, I'd be rich) my cycle came late. Every month I take a test, every month its negative . . . I wait and "Aunt Flow" usually appears a couple days later and I move on like every month. I went to the bathroom, did the test and didn't even want to look at it because I knew it was going to be negative so I walked away. I set the timer and then when I came back it had already turned positive and I let out a loud scream. Spencer came running like I had seen a spider and was ready to squish it. He sat in the doorway puzzled while I held up the triumphant stick and yelled "We're Pregnant!" and immediately I started crying. Understand, this has never happened where I get pregnant on my own. It just doesn't, I've come to deal with the fact that to have babies I have to take medication and go through rigorous tests to get my little ones. I couldn't believe it I was in shock and then immediately I was like "Spencer where's the phone? I need to call my mom!" I called her and could barely get the news out to my mom. All I heard on the other end was "NO WAY!" or at least that's all I remember. I called my best friend and we both cried. The rest is history, we found out that Gavin will have a little brother in December and we've decided to call him Rowan Spencer Beard, Spencer wants a Junior but I said no so this is as close as he gets. I am in my 6th month and enjoying every kick and organ shove even though everyone around me hears me complain about how uncomfortable or tired I am I really am enjoying it, REALLY! This pregnancy has been a lot harder then Gavin's because his was a breeze but that's alright. My sister Erin said "I think with each baby heavenly father changes the difficulty, if they were all easy we'd have 20 children and so making them different difficulties helps us decide how many are up there waiting for us." Onward and upward as they say, enjoy.